On why I am no longer job hunting

Today I went crazy. I walked into a second interview for a job, received an offer, and turned it down. Now, this wasn't just any job. It was a good job, a fantastic job.  Good pay, great hours, wonderful environment, and amazing people. The best kind of people actually. The kind you want to just sit and talk to all day because they're just that awesome. And yet, when it came down to it, I just couldn't commit. As much as I would have loved that job (and I definitely would have. Can anyone say natural, integrative, medical practice?!), accepting that job would have been a sacrifice.

You see, Justin and I, we have a bargain of sorts. It's never been explicitly stated but it's there. He works outside of the home and I work inside the home. He makes money and I try my darnedest to save money. Some might call that patriarchal and old-fashioned. And, really, it kind of is. But you know what? I really like it that way. Yes, I know we're extremely lucky and have a very unique situation. Many people around the country aren't in a position to be able to live on one income. But we are and want to take advantage of it. So I did the unthinkable and turned down an amazing job today. Because ultimately I know that I can't do everything. I can't work 30 hours a week and still do everything that I need want to do. We have plans and goals, and, unfortunately, this job, or almost any job in fact, wasn't compatible with them. We have races to train for and classes to take. We're starting house hunting and trying to plan a vacation. Someday we'd love to get down to one car and plant a large garden. How are we going to do all this, and more, if every evening and weekend is filled with housework and grocery shopping? How can we stop being dependent on two cars if everyday I commute 5.5 miles in one direction and he commutes 6 miles in another?

Over the weekend, we discussed all these things. Around and around we went, wrestling with the all these facts, trying to decide what was best for us, both individually and as a couple. Because frankly, I wanted this job. I wanted it a lot. To be able to spend my days with this group of people that I admire and respect, to be in an environment that supports the things that I believe in, would have been fantastic. It was the perfect job. But there were still those nagging thoughts and questions. What parts of our lifestyle will we be giving up just to have a little more money? In the end, Justin left the decision to me and I turned it down because, ultimately, we would have lost more than we gained. Do I regret my decision? No, I don't think I do. Do I wish I could have made both work? You betcha.